Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
