what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
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