We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
