I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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