Your dad touched me again.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
