The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
