Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
