Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
