what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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