I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
