she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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