wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
