I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
