Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
