his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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