I seem to have left my pride at pride
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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