Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
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