I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
