I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
