my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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