I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
