If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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