Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Buhtt sex?
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
