last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
