I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
