I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
