Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
