just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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