If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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