I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
