I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
