I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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