Define "chronic" masturbator.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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