He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
