the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
