i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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