I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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