I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
