I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I want to fling myself into the sun
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
