Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
