all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
