I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
