So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
