you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
