And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
