I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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