did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
