My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
