The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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