my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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