I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
