I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
