I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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