guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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