And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
this is an emotional support booty call
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Randomize
