peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
