You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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